Childhood Lost: Carry on My Wayward Son
by Murderbynuns
Summary: With graduation over and done with Xander decides it’s time to seek out the family he’d been denied by Tony Harris. Crossover Supernatural/Buffy/The Dresdien files Xander & Dean no Sam yet
1. Prologue

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series:**Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **1/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **Flash Back

**Authors Note:**

**Childhood Lost - Carry on My Wayward Son**

Prologue

**South Dakota ****–**** 1984**

"Grandpa, Grandpa, Grandpa look" yelled a hyperactive and over excited five year old Alexander Lavelle Singer as he raced out into the Scrap yard.

Bobby Singer a wise old hunter and boy no means small man, pulled his head out of the junker he'd been working on to indulge his Grandson. He picked up the excited boy and briefly wondered where his daughter was…like he didn't already know?

Ever since that Don boy had left Jessica alone and pregnant, she'd spent most of her free time at the Roadhouse pissing off her best friend Ellen's father. His thought were quickly returned to the now when his Grandson used his bottle to bring him back.

"You zone me Grandpa" huffed the little boy as loud familiar music filled the air along with the sound of an engine Bobby knew well.

"See that what I've bin trying to say, the man with the cool car and Dean here," said the excited five year old as a 1967 Chevy Impala pulled into the yard.

Bobby put his Grandson down and watched as he raced over to the car then stop suddenly and almost cower, Bobby's attention turned back to the car where he watch a young man get out holding up a very drunk young woman.

"Oh Jess, John I'm sorry. Let me guess the Roadhouse?" asked Bobby as he nodded.

"Thanks kid you real didn't need to do this" said Bobby as John put his daughter down on the front porch.

"I did Bobby, she really needs help. If not for her for him" said John as he looked over his shoulder to where Xander was stood hugging himself.

Bobby and John watched on as Dean John's seven-year-old son got out of the Impala and went straight to Xander, wrapping his arms round the other boy Dean held him as Xander started to cry. Dean soothed Xander the way he did Sammy his little brother.

As Dean, held Xander Bobby and John watched on as Xander's body gave into exhaustion, Dean laid Xander down on the porch and used John's jacket from the Impala to cover him before he tended to the now crying Sammy.

John watched his son as he sat on the porch rocking Sammy and comforting his best friends.

"They are going to be as close as family" said Bobby as John nodded into his coffee.

"That they are and speaking of close I'd check Xander over I think Jess tried to sell him again?" asked John calmly as Bobby choked on his coffee.

"I'm going to kill that daughter of mine" growled Bobby as he stormed off before Jessica's drunken wail rang thought the house, John shook his head and went into the house, John knew Bobby wouldn't hurt Jess but he really wanted too for the way he treated Xander.

_**0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 **_

It was close to midnight when Jessica Singer rose from her bed and got dressed, Bobby was out on a hunt with John Winchester and Jess knew better them anyone he wouldn't be home until dawn. She packed up her travel bag and hurried into Xander's room.

"Come on baby time to get up, Mommy and you are going on a little trip," said Jess as she pulled Xander from his bed.

"Grandpa?" said a sleepy Xander as he went back to sleep on his mother's shoulder with his thumb in his mouth.

"He is busy with Dean's daddy," hissed Jess as she carried Xander out into the Scrap yard.

She placed Xander in the back of the 1967 Chevy Impala that Bobby had been working on with Xander and John. She got into the front seat and after checking her son, she took off into the night.

_**0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 **_

Bobby and John rolled into the Scrap yard a few hours later, they we're battered, bruised and covered in crap. Bobby wanted a shower but first he wanted to check on his Grandson knowing full well Jess was out cold after what she'd drank.

John was sat on the couch when Bobby came rushing in, he was panicked and angry.

"Bobby?" asked John as he leapt up.

"She's gone and taken Alex with her. I knew she was losing it after her momma died but this….even I wouldn't wish Jessica's moods on Alex or anyone" sighed Bobby as he flopped down on the couch next to John.

"So what now?" asked John

"I don't know John, she's a Singer so she knows how to hide and stay hidden. She could be anywhere by now?" said Bobby as he got up and went to the window before he swore.

"What?" asked John

"She's taken Mary's Impala," said Bobby as John winced

"That's not a conversation I want to have" said John as Bobby looked at him.

"Suck it up Winchester. You dented it, I fixed it and Jess knew it" said Bobby as John swore and went to make the call.


	2. Finding Lost Roots

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series:**Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **2/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **13 years later Xander wants out

**Authors Note:**

Finding Lost Roots 

Xander sat in the main waiting area of Sunnydale General, he hated this hospital, he hated the staff, the patients, the nurses and the demons that roamed the hall feeding on the patients. In the thirty-five minute period he'd been there he's scared off five separate creature from maternity and the children's ward.

Once he knew Wes was ok Xander sighed and said his goodbyes, it was public knowledge that Xander was now homeless so he'd chosen to take a trip. Unlike what he'd told the others Xander wasn't wanting to clear his head…well not all of it anyway. He was heading to find a lost part of himself.

He'd been digging though the artic a few weeks earlier, looking for some old stuff of his for a project when he came across some stuff of his mothers. It was mostly papers about a storage area so Xander figured that he could maybe use it for Scoobies storage?

It was when he arrived that Xander got the shock of his life; inside the storage was an old 1967 Chevy Impala. That's when Xander had a flash back, due to his life many of Xander's memories had been suppressed into dreams.

Sighing Xander muttered a silent name.

"Dean"

Seeing a box in the backseat Xander picked the lock until he was inside, sitting in the backseat Xander pulled stuff out of the box until he came across an old looking photo and that's when the floodgates opened.

Xander remembered everything as he looked down at the photo and felt his heart tighten, the photo was that of Xander when he was five, his Grandfather, John Winchester and Dean sat on the Impala hood with Sam in his arms.

Xander sighed as he remembered the old friend he'd come to call his brother. That's when Xander made the plans to head home to find his Grandfather.

_**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 **_

South Dakota was quite a while away from Sunnydale but that didn't matter to Xander, he had his car (the Impala he'd lifted from his mother) his music (AC/DC and many other Mullet Rock stars) and the hopes of finding the family he'd lost years earlier.

Once he rolled into town Xander was happy to find that not much had changed, after a quick stop at a gas station to confirm directions Xander headed to the Scrap yard where he'd spent most of his childhood. Xander drove though the Scrap yard entrance, as he approached the main house he laughed when he saw a man appear shotgun in hand.

"Winchester that you?" growled the man as he watched the Impala come to a stand still.

"Right car wrong family" said Xander with a laugh as he got out.

"Alex? It can't be? Well get your ass over here and give your Grandpa a hug" said Bobby as Xander slammed the door and hugged the older man.

"What happened to you kid?" asked Bobby as he looked over his Grandson who stopped him.

"Holy water now Grandpa before I set off your Devils Trap" said Xander as Bobby looked shocked but did as his Grandson asked.

Handing the bottle to his Grandson, he watched the young man swallow it before pouring it over himself, though swallowing it had no affect it did bubble and hissed as hit his skin.

"It's the Hellmouth taint Mom chose Sunnydale as our new home, marrying Tony Harris three days later. He's a demon by the way" said Xander as Bobby crossed himself and nodded as he headed for the phone. He returned not long later to find his Grandson with his head inside of the Impala's engine.

"Mom didn't look after her well, Tony hated her so she impounded it so John wouldn't find it. I know she stole it off him, I kinda hope he's not mad at me but I've done all I can to fix her up. I remember most of what you taught me but I was only five," said Xander with a smile as Bobby stood next to him and offered him a beer.

"Holy water laced?" asked Xander as Bobby laughed and nodded as Xander shook his head.

"Your Mamma still drinking?" asked Bobby as Xander sighed and dropped his head.

"And more Grandpa, Tony's not any better" sighed Xander as he rubbed his arm, Bobby growled and pulled up Xander's sleeve to see the scares that littered Xander's arm.

"She ain't no daughter of mine any more" spat Bobby as he motioned Xander to follow him.

"You can stay in the shed out here or the Impala tonight; I don't want the Devils Trap or any of my other wards hurting you Alex. That taint of your is deep and broadcasting loud and clear, your leaking dark magic" said Bobby sadly as Xander nodded.

"But first come on kid it's time I finish your lessons" said Bobby with a laugh as he and Xander set to work fixing the Impala.


	3. The road so far

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series:**Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **3/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation, over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **Xander needs cleansing, an old enemy turns up and Xander finds answers while Bobby is left with questions.

**Authors Note:**

The road so far 

Xander had chosen to sleep in his Impala that night and so in the early hour of the morning when Xander heard someone sneaking around he was ready.

"Hey watch where you're throwing that squirt" came a gruff but familiar voice to Xander.

"Dean" yelled Xander as he ran up and hugged his old friend but was hurt when Dean spoke.

"Dude do we know each other?" asked Dean as Xander hung his head in sadness, he'd hoped that at least Dean may have remembered him if they ever met back up again.

"Dean Winchester I'd smack you across that thick head of yours if I'd think it get thought to you, of all people I'd thought you'd recognise Lexx after all he's still wearing the amulet you gave him. How Jess missed that in thirteen years I'll never know?" said Bobby from the porch as John swigged the Holy Water he'd been give.

"No way Lexx is it really you? What happened Dad said you'd left?" said Dean with smile

"Mom's great idea to run ended up in Sunnydale hence the taint. I know the old man called you to help me out," laughed Xander, as Dean looked mortified.

"Yep that's me the Slayer's lap dog," laughed Xander weakly as Dean hugged him.

"Hey no chick flick moments," said Xander making Dean laugh

"Not a chick flick moment that's a stopping me from sealing the car and killing your friends moment" laughed Dean as Xander blushed, Bobby and John watched from the porch as they saw the twinkle of their old friendship start up and something more.

"Hate to break up this upchuck worthy scene but you know the drill Dean" said Bobby as he chucked Dean the bottled Holy water and watched as he drank it.

"Good now that's over let's be getting started on cleansing my Grandson, I'd like him to be able to come inside and not sleep in the Impala" said Bobby as John looked at him.

"Yes that Impala, Jess did a number on it but Lexx did a good job of putting it back together" said Bobby as John walked over to his wife's pride and joy.

Xander watched as John ran his hand over the Impala as if she'd never been away from him, sighing Xander pulled himself up from were he'd been sitting. He'd become attached to the Impala in the short time he'd had her, but he knew this was the right thing to do. Xander pulled the keys out of his pocket and cleared his throat.

"Mom doesn't know I took her but I figured Grandpa would know how to find you. I did all I could" said Xander sadly as he handed John the keys back.

John watched Xander and felt his heart break as if he'd gone back to watching the same broken five-year-old thirteen years ago.

"She's important to you isn't she kid?" asked John as Xander turned to look at him.

"Yeah she's part of my childhood, what little I had of one but also….it's strange but I feel safe in her like nothing can touch me, as if someone's watching over me?" said Xander with a shrug, John laughed as Xander watched.

"I think someone is," said John as he threw Xander the keys.

"I always said Mary would have loved you like she did the boy, I can't see her objecting to this since I think she's already given her blessing" said John with a smile and a sigh as the others watched on.

Xander smiled and hugged John knowing all too well how hard it was for the other man to speak about his wife.

"Shit kid, you weren't kidding Bobby when you said about the taint. I can feel it just hugging him we'll need to be cleansed for just standing next to him. I don't know if we can help Bobby? We can ward, protect and drain what we can but to remove it without destroying his soul, your going to need someone that know some serous dark magic," said John as Xander laughed.

"I've got that covered, that stupid motel down the road. The one with the sunrise sign, room 108 his name is Ethan Rayne. We've run into each other before, he's a Chaos Sorcerer and a strong one. He's the one that gave me the military taint," said Xander as John, Dean and Bobby looked on.

"I'll tell you later, Dean if you wouldn't mind he has a habit of running. Don't use and ID you usually do just be you and use force lots of force with him, oh and he usually has a concealed blade in the back of his pants and a kick ass knock out spell," said Xander as Dean nodded and took off in the Impala to retrieve Ethan Rayne.

_**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**_

Dean pulled up outside the Sunset motel and laughed to himself, he'd seen some crummy motels in his life but this took first prize for the worst. Dean sat put for a while watching the room in question until he saw the occupant come out with a young woman, watching him pay her Dean laughed and made his move.

"Ethan Rayne?" growled Dean as he saw the 'deer in headlights' look on Ethan's face as he slammed Ethan against the wall, pulling on the blade he held Ethan's hands above his head.

"Keep you hands were I can see them and don't try anything" growled Dean as he manhandled Ethan into the Impala and bound his hands.

"Who are you?" demanded Ethan who was for the first time in a long time in fear of his life.

"The names Dean Winchester" said Dean with a sadistic smile as he got into the drives seat.

"Ah a Hunter I should have known, what can I do for you Mr. Winchester?" asked Ethan smugly as he started to remove his bindings.

"Don't do that or I might have to beat you ass then give you to Lexx," said Dean as Ethan stopped and looked at him.

"Lexx?"

"Oh sorry I forgot only I call him that, I believe you'd know him as Alexander Harris, Sunnydale?" said Dean taking great pleasure when Ethan hissed as if he'd been scolded.

"One of Ripper's lot, I must have to admit that young man as annoying as he is has far too much going for him to be with them" said Ethan as he removed his restraints.

"Oh don't you've peeked my interest, you wouldn't happen to have a cigarette would you?" asked Ethan as Dean considered it then spoke up.

"I didn't give you this," said Dean as he lit one and passé it over making Ethan laugh.

"I was waned you were a parodied family and with great reason too be" said Ethan as he sat back and took a drag of it.

"Now Mr. Harris…."

"Singer" corrected Dean with a growl, as Ethan looked intrigued

"That's interesting, what relation are they?" asked Ethan as Dean caught on.

"Grandfather, Grandson, his mother's side" said Dean as they drove

"Well at least he's got a better start now, so as I was saying what trouble has young Alexander gotten himself into? What is it to me? And what do I get in return?" asked Ethan as he watched Dean with a smirk.

"Sunnydale has tainted Lexx so deeply that only truly dark magic can save him and remove it" sighed Dean as Ethan watched on his smile getting worse.

"So you want me to help him? Well that I can do, what do I get in return?" asked Ethan making Dean growl and stopped the Impala suddenly, Dean shot Ethan and look, that chilled him to the bone.

"You get you ass in one piece as you walk out of our care unharmed for the most part," said Dean as Ethan swallowed hard.

"That seems fair but first you'd have to make sure that witch of theirs hasn't done anything to him or that mother of his ether?" said Ethan as Dean calmed and went back to driving.

"My father and Bobby have started that, they'll fill you in when we get there," said Dean coldly.

"So Mr. Winchester when did you fall for him?" asked Ethan sadistically as Dean was rendered speechless.

_**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**_

Ethan huffed as he was manhandled out of the Impala at Shotgun point as Xander laughed from his seat on his Impala's hood.

"Hey I'm here willingly and you can stop laughing brat. Janus want your ass nurtured your too much chaos, even for him, Strife and Loki combined" said Ethan as he dusted himself off and growled at the still laughing Xander who held up something, Ethan then did something out of character for him…he crossed himself.

"I am a full disciple of Strife, Deimos and Loki, have been for years since John over there made a joke about Dean and I being their reincarnations because of our mischievous streaks," laughed Xander as he caught the smile on Dean's face.

John bust out laughing at that memory as Bobby shook his head and sighed.

"Come on you two mischief later, cleansing now Mr. Rayne if you wouldn't mind?" asked Bobby as they all followed him.

_**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**_

Five hour and a lot of swearing at and to various gods, goddess and deities and it was over. Ethan had wisely fled while Bobby, John and Dean had carried a now full exhausted Xander to his old room in Bobby's home. Ethan had warned them all that now the taint was gone as was Willow's and his mother's blocks, that not only would Xander's powers emerged but that of his possessions would also come out so if his personality changed not to be worried.

Xander was passed out in his room with Dean Keeping watch while John and Bobby talked in the kitchen.

"He's a hell of a kid Bobby but even I couldn't go that long under torture without crying out in pain," said John with a sad sigh.

"I know that daughter of mine and I are going to have words once I sure Alex is safe, happy and not about to fall on his sword" said Bobby with a growl as John played with his mug.

"I hate to ask this Bobby, but did you ever find Don?" asked John as Bobby growled.

"I did I'm not an Idji but it's complicated and I'll cross that bridge when it comes" growled Bobby loudly.

"Ok, so what's the plan for him?" John asked Bobby wisely leaving the other questions unanswered.

"The same as any stray I take in I'll train him up and teach him what I know and hopefully along the way I'll be a Grandfather again?" said Bobby sadly.

"Jess running was never your fault Bobby, if anything it was Don and mine. Shit, I knew about her thing for me but I'd just lost Mary and had the boy to think about. Don knew she was using him but he did care for her, it gutted him when he left" said John as he sighed, Bobby nodded but before he could speak up he heard movement.

_**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**_

Dean had nodded off with one hand round his gun and the other interlaced with Xander's. Ethan's words had been bouncing round his head for hours, but even Dean knew there was truth to it. He'd had thirteen years to forget about Xander but he never had, every new town they rolled into Dean always kept the fact he could be there close to his heart.

Dean had always secretly wanted to take off and find the young man he'd considered a brother and now that he was here, Dean couldn't find the words to speak instead he'd spent most of his time plying with he silver ring Xander had given him.

Xander had told him that it was a ring his dad had given his mother, but when she'd had a fit one-day destroying everything that reminded her of him she'd given it to him. Xander had wore it until he was four years old when his mother had threaded to break his fingers if she saw it again, so heeding her warning Xander gave it to Dean to keep safe for him but also in case he ever found Xander's father.

Dean suddenly felt like he was being watched and shot up out of his chair, hearing laugher Dean turned to the bed and blushed. Xander was sat up looking weak and pale with a smile on his face; his hair was a mess and his shirt open revealing his toned but scared body from years of hunting.

"Hey"

"Hey yourself"

"Is Ethan the reason I feel like I've been hit by a truck?" asked Xander as Dean nodded.

"The taint?" asked Xander

"Gone for the most part, though there's still some due to your positions but nothing that your amulet can't handle," said Dean with a smile as he sat on the end of the bed.

"God it's good to see you again Lexx," said Dean as he hugged Xander with a sigh

"Yeah it's good to see you too Dean, I always hoped one day you might roll into town and save me" said Xander with a blush.

"In truth I hoped that I would one day" said Dean with a sight blush as Xander held his hand still.

"I can't believe your still wearing this?" said Xander as he stroked his thump over his father ring on Dean's hand.

"I refused to take it off, it always kept me somehow connected to you," sighed Dean

"Just like this did me to you," said Xander as held up his amulet as Dean looked confused.

"Despite what mom did to block my memories, one face and one voice always haunted my dreams. I remember sitting on a porch crying while you hugged me until I fell asleep," said Xander as Dean looked at him.

"You remember that? God Lexx I was older then you and I just about remember that. That does mean a lot to me," said Dean as Xander smiled.

"Come on Lexx it's time to eat," said Dean as Xander nodded and leaning on Dean, they headed to the kitchen.

_**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**_

Xander suddenly felt like he was sitting in the Spanish Inquisition as he ate his dinner.

"Will one of you please just ask me the questions now and get it over with?" growled Xander as John and Bobby sighed.

"What happened kid? From that night to now don't sugar coat it please," said Bobby as Xander nodded and sighed before starting his tale.

"Remember I was five, ok I remember being woke up that night. Mom was panicking and threw me into the back of the 'stranger guy with the cool car and Dean's' Impala, what I was five and you were John" said Xander as John shot him a look and shook his head as Dean laughed.

"we drove until the thing ran out of gas so I'd say three maybe four days, Mom smacked me again for saying I was hunger and crying" sighed Xander as Bobby put his hand on his shoulder.

"Jessica was always fragile mess without a stove," said Bobby as Xander snorted

"Her culinary repertoire includes a famous phone call to the Chinese place," growled Xander as they nodded.

"Mom left me in the car for about a day when she went to find help, that's when she found Tony but she hadn't told him about me. he found that out when he looked over the car and found me in the back seat.

"Tony was a self-pitying drunk and hated me from the start; he liked to uses his fists to get his point across while mom appears cheerful in front of strangers as an attempt to cover the true nature of her miserable life.

At this point I had no clue that he or uncle Rory were demons, they just creeped me out but I thought that was normal?" said Xander as Bobby spoke up.

"Rory?"

"Uncle Rory is an alcoholic taxidermist who claims to have thought of Velcro. He's one of the reasons why Every Christmas, I sleep outside to avoid the family's drunken arguments. Did I mention her and Tony once tried to sell me to some Armenians?" asked Xander as Bobby, John and Dean growled.

"Anyway he and Mom set up shop together though I think Uncle Rory got some there too, sorry Grandpa," said Xander as Bobby just shook his head.

"I don't know much but I know some shit hit the fan and we left quickly one night, I was about eight and I went too sleep in one bed and woke up in Sunnydale. This is when things start getting creepy, I used to keep out the way when strange things would come and go from the house but one night Tony dragged me out of bed.

I think he was trying to sell me again, when it saw me it hissed and said that I had power that both sides would fight wars for but that no one will ever see powers that could make or break god let alone kings.

After that night, though Tony kept up his abuse I was allowed some kind of a life, that's when I met Willow and Jessie my two best and only friends. Drifted round for years until my sophomore year of Sunnydale high school, when Buffy Summers our very own Slayer came to own.

About ten hour later I'd driven a stake though my newly turned best friend's heart" sighed Xander as John did what he could to comfort Xander with Bobby as Dean's heart broke.

"Life after that went from stranger to bad to worse to oh hell were all going to die. I've been possessed twice, three times if you count the mermaid taint, women who date me usually want to kill me and oh yeah I lead, planed and executed the graduation war" said Xander as they all hissed.

"Gas exploitation?" asked Xander as John nodded

"Truth" asked Bobby

"Our graduation the truth, the Mayor Richard Wilkins III started his boring ass speech, but was interrupted by the eclipse, which triggered his transformation into the 60-foot Olvikan snake demon. The parents scatter, and the students gathered in one large group.

On Buffy's call, everyone ripped off their robes, revealing weapons and crosses we'd given them. Under my guidance, the students attack the demon with flamethrowers and flaming arrows.

Principal Snyder was eaten by the snake-demon in mid-lecture, yay us that was a small mercy so don't ask. Some students ran from the group and in fear - right into the mayor's vampires approaching from behind.

Students in the rear mount a ranged counterattack and drive the vampires back into a group of students at the rear led by Angel.

Buffy taunts the snake with Faith's dagger; enraged, he chases Buffy through the school. Reaching the library, Buffy dives through a window. The snake smashes through the doors to find the room laced with explosives.

Giles hits the plunger, exploding the Mayor as well as Sunnydale High. It all in here if you want a more in-depth version" said Xander as he handed Bobby his journal.

"The rest of my life since meeting Buffy's in there too, please don't judge said Xander with a yawn as he headed to bed.

"You coming?" he asked Dean as he passed who spluttered.

"In a bit"

"Not too long she may bite you, what? I have no control over her when I sleep," said Xander as he left and John and Dean looked at each other.

"His hyena is an alpha female," said Bobby as he looked up from the journal.

"Possessions?" asked John

"A primal one" answered Bobby as Dean whistled

"Nasty one to remove, the longer it's there the hard it remove without tearing his soul.

"They tried and almost killed him," said Bobby as he read on.

"According to this he's happy to have her and the soldier stay put," said Bobby as John and Dean stole the journal to read, hissing at every few pages.

"And they think he's too normal to help out? What are they smoking?" asked Dean with a sigh.

"The witch is going down the wrong path though," said John and Bobby nodded.

"Speaking of paths, should I ask your son his intentions around my Grandson?" asked Bobby as Dean blushed and John looked confused, Bobby growled and smacked John on the head.

"Idjet I swear sometimes boy you can be blinder then love itself, you boys fallen hard for Alexx and him for your boy but your approval's keeping him from asking" said Bobby as John looked at him then at Dean who looked at Bobby.

"Don't look at me Dean; as long as it doesn't hurt him you have my approval. From what he wrote you're what he needs." said Bobby as Dean gave him a weak smile.

"Now go upstairs and settle my Grandson down for the night, don't look at your daddy. If he knows what's good for his boys he'll leave you both be with his blessing" said Bobby as John looked and Bobby and sighed before giving Dean his blessing.

"Always figured Sam would be the one asking for that kind of blessing just to spite me," sighed John.

"We can't pick who we truly fall in love with John," said Bobby as John laughed.

"No we can't and if we did I'd never of had Mary…."

"And I'd never of had mine" sighed the two men as they sat in silence and wondered how strange their lives seemed to be.


	4. By the light of star crossed lovers

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series: **Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **4/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation, over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **Xander & Dean Talk, Bobby treats John like the child he is sometimes

**Authors Note:**

By the light of star crossed lovers

Dean left the leaving his father and Bobby to talk, his own mind was a wash of strange feeling. Reading Xander's journal hadn't helped him; it had only increased his already confusing desire to protect Xander. The confusing part was this was he doing this out of brotherly love or something more?

He soon found his question answered when he opened Xander bedroom door. Dean felt his breath catch in his throat as he saw Xander who was sat on the window seat, the moon light bathed him a slivery glow making his already pale features more prominent and making Xander look almost angelic.

"It's rude to stare unless you intend to ask me out," sighed Xander as he turned to face Dean with a smile as he patted the seat next to him.

Dean pulled himself together and went to join Xander who just smiled as he wrapped his arms round Dean's neck and lent in as he shared a chasted kiss with him. Xander was still smiling as they pulled apart.

"How?"

"She like you Dean and so do I, I've had a feeling you did when you remembered me. I've always felt something for you even when I though you were no more then a dream, so I guess some dreams really do come true" laughed Xander as he sifted to face Dean.

"I know you won't always be here Dean, I'm not stupid you're a Hunter and that means you'll come and go. I can't say I'll always be here when you get back into town, I'm the Slayers White Knight and despite what they think, I'm need. It would be nice though to know that no matter what I had someone to fight for now?" said Xander with a blush

"Same here" said Dean as he and Xander went to share a kiss but the moment was ruined when a certain older Winchester who been eavesdropping pretended to retch at that moment coughing 'chick flick' before being smacked by Bobby.

"I always wondered were you got that from," laughed Xander as he kissed Dean before they got read to sleep.

As Xander drifted off against Dean's chest Dean lay awake watching him as John looked in on them with a smirk as Bobby once again pulled him out.

"Night Dean"

"Night Bobby and thanks" said Dean as Bobby nodded

"Night Sir"

"Sleep Dean" growled John as Dean smiled and settled for the night


	5. Up shit creek……

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series: **Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **4/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation, over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **Things start going tits up between John & Bobby, Xander & Dean end up in the middle of it. 

**Authors Note:**

WARNING: this is my version of how and why John Winchester & Bobby Singer fall out

Up shit creek…….

Bobby watched from his doorway as his Grandson Alex, who was currently head and shoulders deep in his Impala sang along to the compilation tape Dean had given him. It had been just over a year since he'd come into Bobby's life and just under since the Winchesters had rolled out of it.

Every now and again, Xander would receive a phone call or a letter off Dean, were, as Bobby would receive bail letter or complaints from John. The strain between him and his youngest was starting to show in the letter between Xander and Dean. Bobby on the other hand was avoiding all calls from the older Winchester.

Therefore, Bobby was surprised when he was brought out of his musing by the all so familiar roar of the Winchester's Impala engine as it pulled into the Yard. Sighing Bobby walked down and watched as the smile that had been on Xander's face faded as John and Dean stormed out.

"Dean you help Alex with the Impala the engines given him trouble again, you with me" growled Bobby as he practically dragged John into the house.

Xander cringed as he heard the yelling from inside the house, though he'd only been there a year Xander had learnt it took a lot to piss Bobby off, but somehow John Winchester always did it so easily. Xander sighed and lent into the warm embrace he found himself in.

"Sounds like they are fighting over me and Sammy again," sighed Dean as he gave Xander a weak smile and a shrug.

Smiling he turned to rest his head on Dean's shoulder as Dean lent down to kiss Xander. Wrapping one arm round Dean's neck to deepen the kiss, Xander pulled Dean closer with the other making him hiss in pain. Xander panicked and checked Dean over finding the wound on Dean's side.

"Dean?"

"I'm ok; I got the wrong end of my Machete... I'm ok Lexx don't worry" said Dean coldly as Xander nodded and returned to working with Dean on the Impala.

_**00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**___

Xander almost had a heart attack when John came flying out of the house an hour later, grabbing Dean he commanded him back into the Impala like a general to his troops. Throwing insults at Bobby as they drove off.

"AND DON'T EVER BRING YOU COWARDLY ASS BACK THIS WAY WINCHESTER OR I'LL FILL YA ASS FULL OFF BUCKSHOT" yelled Bobby as he finally saw Xander stood watching him, his face full of fear and pain.

"Oh shit," said Bobby as he went to move and Xander took off running.

'_Dam you Jess__'_thought Bobby as he grabbed his key and took off in the jeep to find Xander.

_**0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 **_

It was nightfall when Xander family stopped running; he fell to the ground in tears.

'_Why would he do that knowing how I feel about Dean? Why would my Grandpa do that to me? Why does my life go to fuck every time I think it__'__s going right? God I hate my life, sometimes I wonder if this is how mom felt and why she ran?__'_ thought Xander as he sobbed in the darkness.

Suddenly a growl in the darkness caught Xander's attention but before he could react, he felt the blow then darkness.

_**0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 **_

Bobby had been searching for hours when he finally admitted defeat and decided to swallow his pride and call Dean.

"Dam boy your as good as you mamma was, usual not a bad thing but it means ya harder for me to find" said Bobby to himself as he was about to call John when he heard the howl and a shotguns blast, then suddenly he saw someone come running out, it was a hunter.

"Call 911 a kids just been attack in there" said the hunter making Bobby swallow hard.

'_Oh lord don__'__t let Alex be mixed up in this__'_panicked Bobby as he made the call before calling John.


	6. ……Without a paddle

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series: **Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **6/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation, over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **Xander out of trouble but he's not out of danger yet, Bobby need some help

**Authors Note:**

……..Without a paddle

Bobby paced the hospital hallways as he waited for news on Xander; he'd been under the knife for almost three hours while the repaired the damage done. Dean had confirmed that Xander had stumbled on a werewolf and a Wendigo fighting over food. John had remained quite only speaking to state, he was here for the kid and that was it.

Bobby knew that no matter what the doctors did now, it was more then likely Xander would be infected by at least one of them. Sighing Bobby really didn't want to think of the idea he or John may have to hunt down his own Grandson.

"Mr. Singer?" asked the doctor as she approached them.

"Yes, how is he doctor?" asked Bobby

"He's come though the surgery better then we though but there has been a complication that we can't explain in recover. Your Grandson's temperature has spiked to almost 200, medically he should be dead but he's fighting whatever it is. He's been put in isolation encase this is contagious but I'd say his odds do not look good, I'd be prepared for the worst" she said as she took him down to see Xander.

"Come on Dean we did what we had too" growled John as Dean growled and Bobby paid no attention as John stormed out.

"Just encase," whispered a voice from behind Bobby as he felt a piece of paper being passed to him, looking up he saw Dean leaving. Opening the paper there was only a name a number on it.

"Sometimes boy you prove you've got more brains then your daddy has" said Bobby to himself as he head to find a phone.

_0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000_

Somewhere is Chicago a sleeping man was cursing his ringing phone, growling at it he found the annoying item and answered it.

"WHAT"

Whoever was on the other end soon made the man sit up and listen.

"Ok…ok…no I can deal with that…..how high? Ok….possessions?......how many?......two possessions and a mermaid taint where did he live hell?.........Sunnydale? As in Boca Del Inferno?...........close enough then. Ok I'm on the first flight out," said the man as he hung up and looked around for his clothing as another appeared.

"You do relies it is 3.30 am don't you?"

"Yes I do Bob but I just got a job that can't wait," growled the man as he dressed and packed.

"Oh and who is that important that the great Harry Dresden gets out of bed at 3.30 am?" mocked Bob

"Bobby Singer ring a bell?" asked Harry as Bob hissed

"The hunter called you why? I though they killed our kind?"

"They kill demons bob not us, he's got a kid in the hospital….from Sunnydale"

"Oh my lord and he's alive"

"He was until a Werewolf and a Wendigo decided he was lunch, he says the kid has been possessed twice once by a Halloween costume and once by a Primal hyena sprit. Hospital says the kid's fine but he's spiking 200 temps and is in a coma," said Harry

"Is it possible his primal sprit is fighting g the Werewolf taint?" asked Harry

"Possible it's rare but two powerful taints can clash causing illness in the host, do we have a name for the boy?"

"You'll love this bob, his name is Alexander Harris," said Harry as Bob hissed again

"And it gets better he's Bobby's grandson" said Harry

"Then I shall accompany you, you'll need the dark tombs I know you dislike them but Primal possessions come under them. Ward yourself against him Harry he carries a Hellmouth taint that is fatal to light magic users" said Bob as he watched Harry hold up his skill

"Thanks bob" said Harry as Bob disappeared back into the skull before he stuffed it into his bag and left as he did he called some one.

"Murphy I'm heading out of town on a job, my place is locked up no one should be in there should be home in a week call me if you need me later" with that he hung up and headed for the airport.


	7. Magic, Legends, Myth’s and Bullshit

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series: **Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **7/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **Help arrives but other problems come up too

**Authors Note:**

Magic, Legends, Myth's and bullshit Hunters

Bobby was stood at the coffee machine, which at that moment in time was being a pain in the ass, growling he thumped the machine that stood fast.

"For the love of…"

"hold that thought" came a voice as Bobby saw a hand touch the machine as it whizzed alive again, Bobby got his coffee and turned to the man before him.

"Harry"

"Bobby" said Harry as he offered Bobby his hand and found himself in a hug.

"It's been a long time old man," laughed Harry as Bobby growled and smacked him on the head.

"Less of that boy, I raised your Momma up to be a fine woman and I'd hoped that had rubbed off on you?" said Bobby as he shot Harry a look

"Sorry Grandfather" sighed Harry as Bobby laughed.

"You sound just like you Momma when she used to get told off" said Bobby with a sigh.

"Why I lost her and Jess got away with all she's done I will never know?" sighed Bobby again as Harry watched him with confusion.

"Alexander is Jessica's son," said Bobby as it hit Harry

"So he's….."

"Family yes" said Bobby as Harry rooted round in his bag.

"Show me too him we haven't got long, if his Hyena is fighting the Werewolf taint or the Wendigo trace it's forcing his body to react as if fighting a virus. Only problem is this virus is deadly and not going anywhere, I need to clear it or merge two out of three and settle his system," said Harry as he watched Bobby who thought it over then nodded.

"Wish me luck?" said Harry as he smiled at Bobby and headed into Xander's room as Bobby kept watch.

Harry entered the room and looked at Xander; he was laid out on the bed with tubes and wires coving his body.

"His body isn't tainted why?" asked Bob as he appeared.

"Chaos mark" said Harry as he pointed to the skin coloured marking on Xander's neck.

"He must have friends in low places to have had a Chaos Sorcerer do a very powerful draining spell, not to mention leave the boy unharmed too?" said Bob as Harry nodded.

"Can I do this and remove the marking without bringing the taint back?" Harry asked Bob as he nodded.

"Yes as long as the boy stays away from the Hellmouth long enough for you to mark him again" said Bob

"Ok that I can do" said Harry as he finished setting up just as Xander started to seizure.

"Ok we have to do this fast people will be coming soon" said Harry as he took his place and started to chant, it was then that things started to get harder.

"Bob you're not casting are you?" asked Harry as Bob appeared

"No that's his witch, she's trying to stop you" said Bob as he did his best to counter Willow's spell, as both fought to stabilizes both patient and environment they could hear others arriving. Just as they started to finish a blinding flash of light engulfed the room then silence.


	8. The Start Of A Whole New Chapter

**Author: **Sparta

**Title****: **Carry on my wayward son

**Pairings: **Xander & Dean

**Rating: **R

**Crossovers: **Buffy/Supernatural

**Disclaimer: **I don't anything, this is just my sick and twisted mind at work so enjoy

**Warnings: **Slash, Femslash, Male Pregnancy, Het and Attentive universe, Rape, Self-Harming, Family disowning

**Series: **Childhood Lost

**Chapters: **8/8

**Completed: **No

**Summery: **With graduation over and done with Xander decides it's time to seek out the family he'd been denied by Tony Harris. 

**Chapter Summery: **Xander wakes up & it's time he knew a few things

**Authors Note:**

The Start Of A Whole New Chapter 

Xander's head pounded as his stomic objected loudly to him being alive, raceing out the room he just made it as he threw up loudly.

"Ok not something I wanted to see with my morning coffee but that's to be expected. I wont ask how the head is if that's ok with you Alex?" said Harry as Xander looked at him.

"Back to bed and we'll talk then" said Harry as he helped Xander back to his room.

"So?" asked Xander weakly as Harry joined him.

"The short short version, we're cousins. I've only just found out, I got the call to come help you out kid. I've merged your Hyena and the Werewolf taints, from here on out I'm not sure were this is going" laughed Harry into his coffee.

"So who are you?" asked Xander

"Harry Dresden, family, friend and nabourhood Wizard. Speaking off magic your witch friend almost killed you in there" said Harry as Xander sighed sadly.

"I wouldn't be surprised" said Xander as he looked Harry up and down as another appeared.

"No you're not tripping, Bob did just appear. Bob's a ghost of sorts cursed for all time to live in his own skull for his crimes by the High Council of Magic don't ask" sighed Harry as Xander shook his head and growl.

"Let me guess otherwise known as the Power That Be?" asked Xander as Harry looked shocked but nodded.

"They don't like me, I mess up their prophecies and yet I'm not important to them go figure" said Xander with a shrug as Harry laughed.

"Nice to know I'm not the only one on their hit list" laughed Harry as Bob just groaned.

"Be nice Bob the kid just got his ass kicked by a Werewolf and a Wendigo"

"Hey she kicked their ass not the other way round" huffed Xander in triumph

"So you know the Hyena's female then?" asked Bob

"Yes and you would too if you'd read my journal" said Xander

"Oh I have he hasn't yet" said Bob with a smile

"Yeah what is it with that thing? You don't seem like the journal type?" asked Harry.

"The Watchers keep journals on all their slayers but when a slayer dies it's never recorded, but from what I've read of the ones Giles let me read back home they are also bias. This has almost gotten Buffy killed a few times so I figured I could keep a record of it to help the next slayer and my sanity.

You've read it Bob you couldn't make this crap up if you wanted too, I'm kinda glad I did now it cut down all the BS questions from everyone" sighed Xander as he made himself for comfortable.

"Yes I see that, so what do you plan on now?" asked Bob as Harry gave him a dirty look.

"It's ok he's right, my next plans are you bring up the one thing Grandpa's not ready for…."

"Your old man?" asked Harry over his cup

"Yeah, figured Grandpa would know were to start and I'll head from their?" said Xander as he got up and got dressed.

"So will you be round later or are you moving on?" Xander asked Harry from inside the bathroom.

"I've got to head back to Chicago for a bit but I've left my stuff with Gramps, I will be back though once you've tracked down that father of yours" laughed Harry as he hugged Xander when he came out.

"After all I've got a kid cuz to take care of and teach magic too now" laughed Harry as Xander sighed sadly with a heavy heart.

"Your better then them Xander, your powers are still growing despite what they thought. I'm not them and nether is Gramps we give a dam" said Harry as he mentally cured Xander friends as they headed to the kitchen.

They could hear Bobby banging round in the kitchen he let out a sigh as he turned to the kitchen. Xander sat quietly at the table as he watched Bobby cook. Harry on the other hand lent against the wall as Bob stood behind Xander, who gave out a sat sigh as he played with his amulet.

"One thing I learnt about the Winchesters over the years is that if a Winchester wants it they fight until they get it. If Dean really wants your heart he'll be back for you," said Bobby with a smile as Xander lightened up a bit as they sat down to eat.

"Grandpa" said Xander just like he had a million times before but something enough this time had Bobby reaching for the Holly water.

"It's time I asked about my dad," said Xander as Bobby sighed and shook his head, reaching for his coffee he sat down.

"I can't tell you much about him but I'll tell you what I remember about him," said Bobby with a sigh as he looked at Harry.

"Your father was a good man but an angry man, he was sent to me after a demon went after his brother. I trained him up and sent a newly widowed John Winchester out with him. At this point, I wasn't aware Jess and he we're together.

After his mother was struck down with illness his father moved them, unlike John your father was careful.

He never got caught when doing something illegal, not to mention his brother was some sort of math's wiz kid so he had a healthy bank account so no credit card fraud or hustling pool.

Rumor has it he's in the FBI now. I tried to find him after Jess left but I figured a Hunter walking into the FBI would set of warning bells, not to mention I could cost your father his life.

He never told his family what he used to do, I will tell you this though Alex. If he'd known about you Jess would never have gotten away with what she did," said Bobby as he wrote something down.

Bobby had been dreading this day ever since Xander came back into his life, he watched Harry who just smiled as he handed over the paper to Xander.

"You'll need this and the other number is a local hunter, just tell him you're my Grandkid and he will understand" said Bobby as he raised the paper above his head and sighed as he felt it being taken from him. He was surprised when he was enveloped in a tight hug.

"You're still my Grandpa and that means a lot, I'll come see you in a few weeks no matter what happen and I'll call as much as I can" said Xander with a smile as Bobby nodded.

"I agree" said Bob from behind them as both Bobby and Xander looked at Harry.

"Hey kid catch" said Harry as he threw his bag at Xander who caught it and looked inside.

"But..."

"No buts I can't be there to back you up at least he can" said Harry as Xander held out Bob's skull.

"And I agree with Harry, your magic is still unstable as is the combining spell that merged you possessions at least I can at least explain things if they go wrong" said Bob proudly as Xander thanked him and hugged Harry.

"Don't get mushy sprat I want him back after you get home" laughed Harry as he put something round Xander's wrist

"For protection like mine, now come on lets go give your old man hell" laughed Harry as they headed out. Bobby and Harry watched with a sigh as Xander took off in his Impala.

Once he was gone, Bobby sighed and went inside, Harry followed suite

"You should have told him it all Gramps" said Harry as he found his coffee again.

"This is his journey to make Harry you know that" said Bobby as he grabbed the phone on the way to the kitchen he dialed before grabbing a beer and sitting down.

"Ah yes I'd like to speak to Special Agent Don Epps please……….it's personal business……..just tell him it's old man Singer he'll know who it is……………..Hey kid it's been a while………….yeah now go find somewhere private and quite you ain't going to like what I have to say" sighed Bobby as he continued.

_**THE END**_

_**NEXT PART: CHILDHOOD LOST: LOST INNOCENCE**_


End file.
